This is a translation of part of the chapter on Romance languages in Marius F Valkhoff’s 1943 study of De expansie van het Nederlands. The text is annotated–probably excessively and untidily so–with [additional or contrasting information] and [???] where Valkhoff has clearly found something I haven’t.

I should be listening to the Hot Pocket Blues Band and Gazpacho and whatever else Ciudadanos have planned, but unfortunately I’m off to sing in deepest Lleida, in the Auditori, no less. (I think “less” is the correct word.)

This one’s from an Eugenio tape from the early 1980s, although it also seems to be a standard Lepe joke. It relies for its effect on a homophony created by a dropped consonant, a typical characteristic of Andalusian dialects:
Dos andaluces van andando por la selva y uno le dice al otro:
- ¡Mira, una boa!
- ¡Vivan [...]

Me gusta lo de los leperos:
Está el alcalde dictándole una orden al secretario:
- Convócame una reunión para el viernes.
- Señor alcalde - le replica el secretario - ¿Viernes es con “v” o con “b”?
- Aplázala para el lunes.
Últimamente en Barcelona veo mucho desalluno. Es yeísmo–y análogo a la relación tipo LAT que viven la /b/ [...]