For reasons that are unclear to me, the burlesque leader who ruled Dublin during carnival used to be known as Mayor of the Bull Ring. Barcelona’s Mayor Clos is so damn serious that he wants to close our bull-ring, but the chances that he’ll stop making a fool of himself the rest of the time seem fairly limited. This may be because:

1. he is stupid;
2. his costly obsession with looking smart makes him seem stupid; or
3. he doesn’t play enough computer games.

Just in case option 3 is correct, here, courtesy of the good Mr Spruijt, is how to win the Barcelona scenario in SimCity 2000:

• As soon as possible, pause the simulation, open the Disasters menu and select No Disasters.
• Bulldoze firebreaks around your fires so they won’t spread and de-zone around the fires.
• Set the speed to turtle and deploy your fire brigades until the fires are out.
• Make sure your city has power, and build an adequate water supply by placing alternating strips of water and water pumps (don’t forget to power the pumps up). Connect the water pumps with pipes to the rest of your city.
• Make about a dozen connections to your neighbors using highways and rails.
• Issue $150,000 worth of bonds, level the mountains, and add roads, power, water, and zones.
• Set the simulation to turtle speed, make sure the water and power are well distributed, open the graphs window, and display the city size graph.
• Set the speed to llama and wait until you’ve won.

I used to twiddle with SimCity for weeks on end while the rest of the office played Quake over the LAN. I’d never heard of Original Catalan Bastards, but it’s the kind of thing I’d pass on to my ex-colleagues, were they not all at home undergoing therapy for their RSI.

Categories: Garments, Splog, Theatre

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